In an instant...

I often times think of how much we are bombarded in life.  We get so busy and overwhelmed and the days come at us faster and faster the older we get.  But sometimes things happen in life that really stop & shake you...  For me its been things like finding out that we are moving far away 4 days before my senior year, finding out my grandfather was dying of cancer, out of the blue being told my grandmother had just days to live and the most devastating of all; hearing the C word from MY doctor.... Cancer.  Some things just shake you, you grieve and you go on with your life not quite as adversly affected.  Other things make you evaluate all aspects of your life and promt you to make changes.  And sometimes something happens that reminds you how fast your life on this small little planet can end...

Last night around 11pm I turned all the lights off and crawled into bed.  I started my nightly routine of listening to something on my iPad and setting my alarm on my phone so I could wake up for work this morning.  Not 2 minutes after I laid down I heard a loud crack and explosion.  The power went out and I sat straight up in bed.  It was a noise that jostles you from the inside out.  A couple minutes later the power in my house came back on but the security light outside didnt.  I looked out the front window from my living room and noticed that the power was out across the street too.  I grabbed a knife (yes, i AM my father's daughter...) and went outside.  As I walked out my driveway I saw a few people outside looking at a car that had flipped upside down and slammed into a light pole.  It stunk outside, the transformer must have blown and that's why we lost power.  My heart sank into my stomach and I got chills.  No authorities were on the scene yet.  As I stood there paralyzed with fear/sadness/disbelief, my thoughts in my head were going a million miles a minute but it was like muffled silence.  Just then I started to hear the ring of sirens.  As they got louder and louder I could see people running as if in slow motion around the car.  I watched as the first police vehicle arrived.  Then a first ambulance arrived.  Then the second...  And a fire truck.  I stood there and watched as the medics and firemen got down on their knees to look inside the car.  I waited for the medics to pull the person from the car and load them into the ambulance.  And over the course of what seemed like forever and like I was watching it in slow motion in a movie, I watched as the first ambulance left and then the second and then I saw people walking away with heads down.  I didnt stay around to see if a coroner or medical examiner arrived on the scene...  I just walked away stunned and went back to my house.  I walked in, shut the door, crawled into bed and laid there stunned thinking to myself "did someone lose their life tonight?"... 

Our lives can end in an instant.  We dont know when, we dont know how...  Until Jehovah fixes it and we dont have to say goodbye to our loved ones, make every moment count!  Live each day to the full.  Tell people you love them: family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, parents, children.  You never know when that opportunity will be taken away from you...

So my dear friends, I LOVE YOU!!!  I will do my best to tell you that as much as possible, but please never forget it...
~Chrissy

It all evens out...

Finally feel like I am back on track!  Lost 1.2 this week, which I find ironic that in the last 2 weeks I gained 0.8 and then 0.4 and this week lost the total of those two.  So I guess it all evens out.  It made me happy to see a loss.  I was a little discouraged about the gains but owned them and took each day as new!  I made it through my best friends wedding, company in town from ATL, NYC, DC & Jersey, and several meals that I was invited over for and a cookout!  The loss of 1.2 puts me back at 12 pounds lost.  Now if I could just hit the 15 number soon that will be my 5% goal and then on to the 10% goal.  I know a lot of what I struggle with comes from within my own head.  And I often feel like I am sabotaging myself.  But I just need to focus on the end game.

Today at my Weight Watchers meeting we celebrated a weight loss of 100 pounds for one of the gals in our group.  It took her one year to lose it and she has more to lose.  It made me cry, that's where I want to be.  I have a little over 100 pounds to go, I cant WAIT to get there!  But I know I have to, its going to take a long time so I just need to be patient!

In the meantime I have so much encouragement!  From my sister who is rockin it out, to my boy Todd who knocks my socks off dropping like 10 pounds every week (YOU ARE A MACHINE TODD) and my girl Arlene who never ceases to amaze me with her encouragement, love and support!  I know that if I didn't have you guys in my life (and ear everyday) I would not be as successful!  Thank you!!!

I started walking/running yesterday.  I gotta get ready for this 5K.  I am so excited!  We have about 16 people on our team and its going to be amazing!!!  Only 6 more weeks to go!

Well off to bed.  I need to get some rest as I have a 10 hour work day tomorrow and lots of preparations for a camping party we are having for a dozen little girls Friday night......  Yes, we are taking 12 girls camping... in my BFF's backyard!  Tents, campfire, hot dogs, s'mores, songs...  its going to be insane!

Thank you for your love, support, encouragement and advice!  It keeps me going, because I am not about to give up!!!!!  Love you all,
~Chrissy

Color Vibe: My first 5k!!!

So I signed up for my first 5k today!  The Color Vibe 5k!  Looks like it's going to be a blast!  A bunch of friends back home in San Diego did the Run or Dye 5k last month and it looked like so much fun!  So I decided I was going to do the one that's coming to Charlotte.  But then I saw that they have this one in Raleigh.  I'd rather do a local run because Charlotte is 2.5 hours away so that would entail gas, food and hotel for at least one night.  This one is right here in Raleigh.  So now I can start using that :C25K app that I have had on my phone forever.  Time to prepare!  There are lots of friends who wanna join my team which just makes it more fun!  So we'll see how many we can get for Team Skittle Shenanigans!!!!
Will keep ya posted!
~Chrissy

Seeing the results!

Another week down!  And I thought for sure it would be a gain.  I had a terrible weekend!  I did my taxes and for the first time in my life I owe.  I usually get between $1200-1500 back each year between federal and state.  This year I am getting appx $100 back from federal, but owe appx $100 to North Carolina and almost $600 to California.  It was like someone had knocked the wind out of my sails.  I already have been stressing about every aspect of my life including finances and now I have to come up with this money?  That's almost half my monthly income....  And with California if they don't get it postmarked by April 15th it accrues 3% compound interest PER DAY.....  I really thought I would be paying California til I was dead.  But someone in my life stepped up and offered to cover it for me until after my parents get moved here and things get a little more OUT OF THE RED financially.  It was a blessing from Jehovah!  Because I truly didn't know what I was going to do.  Then on top of that my uncle passed away over the weekend.  It was just one thing on top of another.  As I have mentioned before, I am an emotional eater.  And the old me would have gone right for what would bring me comfort.... food!  But the new me is learning!  I'm learning to use my food to fuel my body, not comfort it.  I am re-learning that I will get better comfort and endorphins from walking/running/activities.  Plus being busy with the Circuit Overseer this weekend and having so much spiritual activity helped keep me busy and focused on positive things in my future.  If I am going to pioneer I need to be healthy!  I need to give my best of everything to Jehovah, and that includes the best me!!!

So anyhow, today as you know is Wednesday and that means time to weigh in.  I stepped on the scale with confidence and heard Jan say "WOW!  You are down 3 pounds this week!"  I was so happy!!!  I really thought I was going to gain and I was ready to own that!  Anything that shows up on that scale is because of me.....  lose or gain!  I hit my 10 lbs lost (total of 12) and only 3 away from my 5% goal!

Last night I got home and it was ALMOST dark.  But I rushed in the house, threw on my workout clothes and went for a walk.  Even tho it was pretty dark out there, I did almost a mile and I felt great after!  I prefer to walk in the evening.  I came home, had a nice wrap for dinner, did some photo editing and went to bed.  I was sad at how much difficulty I had with the walk.  I used to run 3 miles every day in San Diego.  But its been almost a year since I moved here and a lot has changed over that time.... including my LACK of walking/running.  So I have the goal to increase my activity so that I can get back to the "in shape" version of me when I was running daily.  I miss it!  But I know the more I do it, the better I will feel and the better I will be!!!  I look forward to getting back there because I have plans for a couple 5k's this year and so much more!!!!

Thank you all for your support!  It means the world to me!  Know that anything you want, you can accomplish, it just takes time, effort and the belief you can do it!!!
~Chrissy

"Only" lost one pound

That pretty much sums up how my weigh in went this morning.  I couldnt stay for the meeting as we have the Circuit Overseer visit and needed to get into my ministry.  I went (in the same outfit I wear each week), stepped on the scale with confidence and got deflated as soon as I hear Jan say "you lost one pound this week".  I was rather discouraged because I really expected at least double that.  But not feeling good a few days out of the week will definitely show up on the scale.  I rushed out of there eager to get where I needed to go.  The morning was a whirlwind: preparing lunch for the CO, getting ready to go, having a little one to keep on task and getting out the door on time.  Then off into the ministry we went.  It was hot but we had a wonderful morning.  Then it was back to the house to set up lunch for the group that was coming and waited patiently as the CO and his wife arrived.  Lunch was full of healthy delicious food, upbuilding association and spiritual encouragement.  After everyone left it was like a ton of bricks that hit with tiredness.  What a morning!

As I got in the car, I started to feel really bummed about the ONE pound I had lost.  Meanwhile I had a text waiting for me from my buddy Todd; "This week I lost 5.6 lbs.  Down 57.2 lbs total."  The first thing to go through my head was "man I SUCK!".  I texted a few people to let them know about the one pound, people who are so supportive with that text each week.  "That's great!", "Woohoo!  Go Girl.", "You go!", "Keep up the good work.", "Celebrate the small stuff".  With each text that came though I just didn't feel like I deserved it.  Then came this picture.....

It was like WOW!!!  That's disgusting!!!  And then all I could think about was "That's no longer inside me...  I DID THAT!!!"  And then all the text messages meant something.  They meant that I deserved it!  It may not have been the number I wanted to see, but it was a negative, not a plus!!!

I had an algebra teacher in high school.  He used to always say "Pennies make dollars and dollars buy houses".  I dont know why that has stuck with me all these years.  Unfortunatly my pennies have to pay bills and put food on the table.  But if I modify it to conform to what applies to ME: "One pound by one pound they add up to many and many, make me healthy"!!!

Thank you all for your love and support, no matter how close or how far the miles between us.  Know that YOU help me succeed!
~Chrissy
 

Here comes the sun......day!

So it's Sunday!  The last two Sunday's have been particularly hard.  I have been thinking about it...  I think because Sunday morning I attend meeting and despite the fact that I am in a loving congregation, I miss my Persian congregation back home.  I miss my family.  Being at the meetings makes me think of my family, friends, bible studies that attended the meetings.  And then because I miss my family, I feel sad and depressed and as you know from my past posts, I am an emotional eater.  So then I come home and wallow in my sorrows with whatever I want to eat.  I don't measure.  I don't count points.  I don't say "hey maybe I shouldn't blow it on this order or carne asada fries..."  I just eat it, without thinking about it.  Mindless eating.

Well today, I am determined NOT to be that way.  I am changing my Sunday!  A friend crashed at my house last night while her hubby is out of town (shout out to Charlotte).  We spent the day at the Farmer's Market taking in all kinds of goodies!  Made homemade Orange Chicken last night (only 10 points) and so its only natural that I send my house guest along with a good delicious breakfast.  So I chopped up some fresh sweet onion, red, yellow, orange and green peppers and sauteed them in a little olive oil, added some scrambled eggs and a delish cup of coffee.  Only 5 points!!!  My Sunday is off to a good start!  Now if I can just get through the meeting, enjoy the special talk and association with my spiritual family and get home without stopping anywhere lol, I think I will make it through this day.  After all, you cant eat bad things if you don't keep them in the house!  I'm halfway there!!!

Enjoy your Sunday everyone!  The special talk will be a treat as always, reminding us of the beautiful promises Jehovah has set before us.  May your day be full of life, love and delicious, healthy foods!!!
~Chrissy

Hedonic Hunger

That subject was something brought up in my Weight Watchers meeting yesterday.  I had never heard of it before.  But as she started to explain it, it made complete sense.  It has been defined as food consumption that is not driven by the need for calories but just for pleasure.  Hmmm, pleasure eating...  Been there, done that.  The thought stayed with me as the day went on.  How many times have I eaten, not because I was hungry but because I was emotional?  Most often its associated with negative feelings.  If I am depressed, sad or upset its so easy to walk to the fridge take something out and eat it.  It dulls the pain of whatever I am going through.  Those that suffer from hedonic hunger are similar to gamblers or drug-dependent persons that are preoccupied with their habit even when they are not engaging in it.  They experience frequent thoughts, feelings and urges about food.  These may be prompted by food related cues such as the smell or sight of food, talking, reading or even just thinking about food.  That's a lot of cues.....

In talking with my cousin yesterday, we discussed the fact that we are trying to view food simply as fuel.  She mentioned that she doesn't want to view it as "Ok now I need to work off this huge plate of Carne asada fries I just shoved down my face" but rather "I'm going to eat this fruit, yogurt and nuts because it will fuel my body."  Later in researching the subject of hedonic hunger there was a paragraph that brought this thought back up into my head:

"Subjective feelings of hunger are more likely to reflect our hedonic hunger level than our body's actual energy needs.  Our body's hunger signals are not closely linked to the amount of food we are likely to eat at the next meal or snack.  Satiety (the state or condition of fullness gratified beyond the point of satisfaction) has only a small effect on the pleasantness of foods.  It's the availability and palatability of foods which keep us eating."

It made total sense.  So many times I have eaten when I wasn't hungry.  It was hedonic hunger, not my body's actual need for fuel.  So now I have the desire to learn how to control that hunger.  In addition to just normal 'self-control' I have read of several ways to help fight against hedonic hunger.  So this will be a new road in my journey to fixing me.

This concept of hedonic hunger deeply interests and fascinates me.  I look forward to learning more about what triggers it, how to avoid it and get it out of my life!

Hope you have enjoy your day and remember, food is our fuel!

~Chrissy

Working my way down!

Well it's Wednesday!  Weigh in day!  Went to my meeting really certain that I had gained this week.  I felt heavy and solid.  Didn't feel as "light" as I have felt the last 2 weeks.  I did ok last week but then the weekend came...  For some reason I had a rough time on Sunday again.  Ate bad food for lunch and then had a photo session in the afternoon.  Once we got done with that, we went out to eat.  It was a pub type place, with a menu of maybe a dozen items.  Everything either didn't sound good or really didn't sound healthy.  I settled for a burger.  It was on a thinner bread than a bun.  I opted out of the mango chutney (since I am allergic to them) and nixed the cheese and mayo.  Asked if I could have lettuce and tomato added to it.  It came with fries; I ate 5 or 6 of them.  The next two days leading up to today I tried to be really diligent.  This morning I wore the same outfit as last week, I stepped on the scale determined to own whatever it showed... "Down 1.4" the lady said with a smile.  I heaved a sigh of relief   I had this horrible feeling that I was going to undo the last 3 weeks worth of work.  That was my emotional side rearing its ugly head.  So with that 1.4 off, it's a total of 8 pounds in 3 weeks.  If I can keep my momentum going and keep losing about 10 pounds a month I can have the bulk of this weight off in no time.  Just don't want to get ahead of myself.

One thing that I have done to help along the journey is invested in an ActiveLink monitor.  Its a small device you clip to your body and wear 24/7.  It tracks your activity, tells you how much you have moved, how many extra points you have earned, helps you create your own activity plan and motivates/challenges you to reach personal activity goals.  Those that have it, swear by it.  What's unique about it is it's personalized to you and your own body.  Depending on the activity you do within the first week of assessment it then tells you how much activity you need to do to earn extra points.  Now extra points CAN be eaten, maybe if you are going to a party or out to dinner, you will have extra points.  But the more working out you do and NOT eating the points, the better your results will be on the scale.  That's what I'm goin for!

So not a great week, but not a bad one either!  I am excited for this journey!  I have the best support!  One thing a friend shared with me was something along the lines of "Don't let that the bad food you have wanted for an hour rob you of the body you have wanted your entire life!"  That is something I can relate to.  I have heard the saying "Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels".  But those are just empty words to me, I have never been skinny.  Not YET that is......

Have a great week my wonderful friends!  Thanks for all your support!
~Chrissy

Back in the game!!!

So as you can see from my previous posts, I have tried this weight loss thing several times in the past.  There have been many things I have tried over the years which you can read in my first entry on this blog.  After many failed attempts I joined Weight Watchers September 4th 2007.  In May 2009 I started learning the Persian language and life got a little crazy.  After a year and a half of Weight Watchers and only losing 23 pounds, I gave up.  I figured I might as well eat what I want if I am not going to lose weight restricting myself from those things.  In November 2009, I went to my lady doctor to have a routine checkup.  They scheduled me for a DNC to clean out the lining of the uterus.  The results?  There are 6 ways it can look under the microscope: 1 = clean and healthy... 6 = full blown cancer.  I was looking at stage 5 which means the uterus is full of abnormal cells that turn into cancer.  The doctor had already reviewed my file with an Oncologist and scheduled me an appointment.  I week later I met with him and he had already scheduled me for surgery.  Within 3 weeks I was in the hospital having a hysterectomy.  They removed the uterus which was 3x the size it should have been because of so many of those bad cells in it.  Thus started my road to recovery...

In October 2010 I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes.  I was under the care of a wonderful Endocrinologist.  She had to be in her 70's but was sharp as a tack and so stinkin smart.  She took such good care of me and helped get the insulin levels down from 235 to 65 (normal for a woman is 17).  To this day I still try to get those numbers down.

In May 2011, I decided to visit one of my best friends who had moved some 6 years earlier to North Carolina.  Before I even went, I had made up my mind that I would move there.  When I visited, I had so much peace and contentment.  I also noticed there were Persian restaurants so that means Persian speakers!!!  I came home to San Diego and told my roommate I was moving.  The next 10 months after I moved out of my apartment and in with my cousin and her husband were a whirlwind.  Planning, preparing, scheduling...  In addition to that, I had the greatest experience living with them!

On April 27th 2012 I said goodbye to San Diego and headed north to spend a few days with friends there.  On Monday April 30th at 4am we headed East!  I was accompanied by my roommate/friend/sister Jennifer and my parents who drove their own car!  We made the trek in 4 days, should have done it in 5.  It was exhausting but amazing to see so many states, so much scenery.  Thursday night May 3rd we pulled into Wake Forest, NC.

Within a week, I had a job!  Within 2 months, I had a home!  It was amazing to see Jehovah provide so many things for me!  Life got started!  Its been a blast getting to know new sights, sounds, lack of sounds, people.  New friends.  Busy with Persians.  Fast forward to March 2013.  I don't exactly make the money I thought I would make here and my expenses are the same (I just get more bang for my buck).  I was eating lots of processed foods because its all I could afford.  I started feeling gross.  And for the first time in my life I FELT overweight.  In California I ran 3 miles every day.  I hiked.  I biked.  I was active, the weight didn't hold me back.  My sister who is still in California is doing Weight Watchers again.  So far she has lost over 40 pounds and feels great.  So I thought: it's a new program, I'm in a new environment, my body has been through a lot of changes...  Maybe this time it will work.  On Wednesday March 13th I went and signed up for my first meeting.  I was excited for a new change!  "I am worth the change I envision for myself"!  Its a saying I keep in my mind daily!  I am in my 3rd week and still going strong!  I have had two great weigh ins:
Week 1: March 20th 3.4 loss
Week 2: March 27th 3.2 loss
So I have got a good start going!  I will continue to work hard!  I have great support!  I have a better frame of mind!  I will have ups.  I will have downs.  I hope to face them with courage and continue on in this journey to make me a better me!!!
Love & kisses,
Chrissy

Time for Change

Ok, so we have all said it... Time for a change! But really this has to happen. I have wonderful support from my roommate who also joined Weight Watchers last night. I am back on track. I went grocery shopping last night. I planned my lunch today and have dinner planned for tonight & Thursday already. I am going to try my hardest to fight through this rough time in my life and not let it overtake me. The biggest thing I am dealing with right now is my grandmother dying. I usually have a strong tendancy to emotionally eat when I am going through stress of something like this. But I am starting to have a new outlook on food. Not just eating it cause its there. But only eating for fuel, when I am hungry. Something finally clicked in my head and I am seeing it that way now. I am going to try as hard as I possibly can to not only follow plan everyday but try and get 30 minutes of some kind of exercise in EVERYDAY, I know that will help speed things along too. I think I am just so overwhlmed with the fact that I have so much weight to lose. I also think of what I USED to be able to do and becuase I cannot do that NOW, I get discouraged. I used to run 3 miles a day and felt great. Now I have an arch that is falling and have to wear inserts in my shoes to reshape my foot. I have something limiting me now and becuase I cannot go full fledge like I used to I think "whats the point?" Well, the point is that SOMETHING is better than nothing..... So with a new attitude and new motivation, I am going to do this!!! Hope that I can help encourage anyone else who needs it. Love to all,
Chrissy